We've already talked a lot about signs of recognition, both in terms of the importance Eric Berne attaches to them in interpersonal role-playing, and in terms of the important distinction to be made with feedback, and more specifically performance feedback.
As I said earlier, recognition can be seen as a form of social feedback. However, for reasons of clarity that are still lacking in popular books on motivation, I never use the word feedback to refer to the sign of recognition. Moreover, it's essential to make the distinction explicit when either is given.
A sign of recognition must not be mistaken for performance feedback, nor must functional feedback be used to send a sign of recognition. Mixing the two is a source of misunderstanding and sometimes paradox, which impacts the quality and performance of work.
To define the quality of a sign of recognition, I've developed a mnemonic: ap-pro-pos.
- appropriate
- proportionate
- positive
A sign of recognition must be appropriate, meaning it must be related to the reason for its expression and to the person receiving it.
For example, giving someone a medal for a successful project may seem outdated and even unnecessary in a modern context. Similarly, organizing a party and putting the person in the spotlight would be a mistake if he or she is introverted and seeks discretion above all else. Finally, and just as important, the sign of recognition must be linked to a particular event or act. Being congratulated for no reason will give all other occasions a taste of hypocrisy or flippancy on the part of the organizer.
The sign of recognition must be proportionate, i.e. of the same value as the act it rewards. It will naturally be disqualified and lose its value if it seems disproportionate. This will also have a more or less severe impact on subsequent signs of recognition.
Finally, the sign of recognition must be positive. If it isn't, it's not a sign of recognition, but a reproach or mistrust. In this case, it's best to use assertive feedback methods. These methods, derived from non-violent communication, enable a clear distinction to be made between content and form, functional message and affect, even if in this case the message is really about the social relationship.